god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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