Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
