Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
