i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
