I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
