We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sponge bath it is.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
