it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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