They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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