nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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