Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
