I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
