just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
