We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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