Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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