Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
