How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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