omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
