I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
