So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
