I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
