Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
