Hey man sorry I got all grabby
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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