So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
