dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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