Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
