so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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