ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
