I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
