yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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