I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
