Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
