My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize