im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have aggressive nipples.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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