I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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