Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
