WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
