shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
