Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
