omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
