You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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