Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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