she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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