considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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