I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Two words: blizzard sex
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
