You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Come on in and take your pants off
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