I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
