You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
