dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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