I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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