I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
