Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
