my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
