with your own penis?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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