if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
