All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
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Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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