just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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