just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
