I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
