eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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