How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
