K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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