half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
