My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
