you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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