He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
