im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
