I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
