His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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