im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
