by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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