her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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