You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
