I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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