The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
