I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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