what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I pour the whiskey from now on
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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