Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
