South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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