Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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