Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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