I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize