Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
that's an acceptable place to lick
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My vagina is very pro this idea
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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