i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
