Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
