Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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