I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
