Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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