I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
